My guy can't get over his late wife

Dear Diana,
I have been in a relationship with a widower for the last two years and we plan to marry by the year end. My guy's ex-wifeu00a0 died five years ago and they were married for three years. He is still close to his ex-wife's family. My partner still grieves for his late wife. And when he meets her side of the family, the grief gets heightened. Recently, he took me along to meet them and I found all this very difficult for me to digest. If he wants to remarry should we not enjoy our life together? How should I react when the subject of his ex-wife crops up?
-u00a0Name withheld on request


Illustration/Satish Acharya

Dear Friend,
He grieves for his ex-wife with her folks because she was the link to them. It does not mean that he does not care for you. You can't erase his memory. His ex-wife was a part of his life and her sudden death maybe still difficult for him to accept. As long as he behaves like this with her folks only, it is okay. This is something you will have to accept and live with. This is his way of honouring her memory. But if he brings her into conversation every day and at every step of his life, then you need to sit down with him before you commit yourself. That is his past, it is over, he now has to live in the present, with you.

It's not the same with my guy

Dear Diana,
I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. Of late, I am getting bored of him. We do go out together but just for the heck of it. I don't know if I still love him anymore. It makes no difference if I talk to him or not?. Should I leave him?
-u00a0PR

Dear PR,
The fizz may have gone from your relationship, but even in love there are both good and bad days. If the love is real, the good days will always return. If they don't return, talk with your guy and decide whether you both want to stick on. Maybe you have allowed your relationship to become a bore, do fun things to renew the spark that has gone missing.

I am desperate to know my colleague

Dear Diana,
I am in love with a married man at my work place. I was attracted to him from the day he joined office. Though I talk to him, we have never gone out together. He keeps looking at me and I know he, too, feels the same. I really want to get to know him better. You can say I am desperate. I keep on thinking about him. But I just don't know how he will react. How do I get to know this guy?
-u00a0MV

Dear MV,
As you yourself state, you are indeed desperate and how. Your mission seems to be getting to know him. But for a second have you ever thought that you might end up breaking his family. Have you thought about his wife? This relationship is going to get you nowhere. It will only hurt two families. Getting to know him is alright but as a co-worker. That is not exactly a difficult task. Take help of another colleague who knows him well. Being a friend is okay, but being a lover is where you will head for big trouble. It appears that you are infatuated by him, I am sure when you get to know him, your opinion might be different.