26 August,2010 06:46 AM IST | | Dear Diana
Dear Diana,
I love my mother but things have to change. When I was younger, she kept me in the house all the time. I wasn't allowed to go over to friends' homes, birthday parties, sleepovers etc. I became withdrawn, shy and an outcast at school.
As a teenager, when I tried rebelling to get away from the suffocation, I was beaten. But things changed when I entered college. I'm nowu00a0 ready to experience the world. I have a boyfriend and we've been intimate. My mom doesn't know.
She wanted me to "wait."u00a0 I turn 19 in November and she still won't let me stayout past 11 pm. I am not allowed to sleep over at friends' homes also. I want to move to a hostel but I know that if I do, she'll be shattered.
She's got heart disease. I love her but I want to breathe! She's trying to protect me but she has to let me live my life. I've tried talking to her but it hasn't helped. How can I change things?
Andrea
Dear Andrea,
Every teenager goes through this with their parents. More so, girls. Your mother is just trying to protect you. Both of you are at fault here. She needs to give you a chance to grow up and discover the good and the bad for yourself.
And you need to understand that she is not a villian, just looking out for you. If you two can't talk to each other, get an aunt or an uncle to intervene. I agree that your mother needs to give you a certain amount of freedom. Step one would be for you to introduce your guy to her.
Why don't you invite him home and let her meet him? Once she is assured that he is a gentleman and cares for you, things will get better.
If you can't talk to her, write her a letter, and tell her exactly how you feel. If she is fragile, don't cut contact with her. If you can't resolve your diffferences, and do move out, keep in touch with her. Call her every day and meet her at least once a week.
They just won't get it!
Dear Diana,
I am an 18 year old girl and I amu00a0 attracted to a 29 year old guy who is crazy about me. We haven't gone on a date yet.
My family will go crazy when they find out his age. I need advice on how to tell my family. Also, is this worth getting into?
GP
Dear GP,
The question of whether it's worth it or not, is for you to answer. Do you see a future with him? Age is just a number when you're both an adult and love one another.
I think you should date this man first, see how it goes, see if you like him and then tell your parents. No point in telling them now.
I think I'm gay but can't come out to my folks
Dear Diana,
I'm a 26-year-old professional and successful man. I am a virgin. I want to find a girl, get married and have kids.
I find girlsu00a0 sexy and attractive but when I think of having sex with them, I know I won't be able to. I always think about men and it has been the case since I was 7 years old.
But I think having sex with men is weird. I'm really confused. My family is presuring me to get married, and I want to, but I'm afraid if I come out to my family about being gay, I will lose everything as we live in a conservative society and my parents will try hard to 'cure' me! Help me, please.
Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
You are over 26! You areu00a0 a big boy now, and can do whatever you want. If you know you are gay, and don't want to sleep with a woman, don't get married. Though I suggest, you do sleep with a guy before you decide that it works for you.
Don't stress about your parents. Go out and have fun. You don't have to tell anyone. Even conservative areas have a thriving community. Life is too short.
Don't live your life to please everyone else. Your parents have lived their lives, made their choices and mistakes, they don't deserve to live your life as well.
It's time to be a little selfish and think about yourself. If worst comes to worst, move to another town where no one knows you. Ask your company if they can transfer you.
