I'm worried for my sis... but I am helpless!

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Dear Diana,

Illustration/Sameer Pawar

My brother-in-law is a very moody person. His marriage to my sis was an arranged one. Before they were wed, he hardly took my sis for dinner, on a movie or dating. There was a different excuse each time. My sister believed everything and started adjusting to life on his terms.

Two days before the wedding, he said he had to think twice before he got married. We asked why. He had two reasons: 1) He wanted to change my sisters name to a different name; my sis refused to. 2) He cancelled his honeymoon plans.

My sis asked why; he said she should do whatever he says and not ask too many questions. She agreed to change her name for his sake. And also to never question him on anything in future. I personally felt these were foolish reasons for not marring anybody.u00a0

I was against theu00a0 marriage after this. But my parents felt that breaking off the engagement would spoil my sister's image. So they continuedu00a0 with the marriage. he's a hard man to please and even keeps her under his thumb.

My question is: was it right of him to make decisions at the times that he did? Was there really my sister's fault? He should have clarified such things before the engagament rather then two days before the wedding. Did my sister make a compromise? I am worried about my sister. But I'm helpless.

Rahul

Dear Rahul,

Your sister seems resigned to her fate. She seems happy with her lot. Loving brother that you are, you can see through the facade. I don't think your parents did the right thing by going through with the marriage. I think your bro-in-law held you guys to ransom with his demands.

He cannot expect the woman he's marrying to behave like his servant. I can understand if he isn't much of an outdoors person or if he's too miserly to entertain your sister but there's little you can do if she has made her peace with the way things are.

Your sister did make a compromise; and I think she did it for the sake of your parents.u00a0 Just keep worrying about her like a good brother would.

Am I the problem or is everyone else?

Dear Diana,

Nobody wants to be around me. I have no friends. It may sound extreme but people have told me to my face that it would be better if I were not born at all. I have done nothing to deserve such hatred. What's wrong with everyone?

Uma

Dear Uma,

People rarely say hurtful things to someone unless the object of their ire has done something to deserve the brunt of their hatred.

If you feel you have done nothing to deserve it, it sure seems you're hanging around the wrong kind of people. There are some people you can keep trying to, but cannot hope to please. Shit happens.

She just won't talk to us

Dear Diana,

I am 29, married and settled. Seven months ago, I married an uneducated girl. She is now pregnant and stays with her mom.

She doesn't speak to any of my family members. She doesn't call my mother 'mom' even though we've complained to her parents. I've noticed that she never talks much to her sisters and brothers in her own home. She quarells with my mom over small things.u00a0

I tried to be talkative and make her cheer up but to no avail. My family and I have decided that the best way out is a divorce. What's the safest way out?
u00a0
Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,

You knew she was uneducated and yet you went right ahead and married her and made her pregnant. You're talking about divorcing her because she's anti-social and can't find it within her to call your mom, 'mom'.

You're divorcing her because she introverted, even with her own family? That's very selfish and narrow-minded of you. You've decided (along with your family) on a divorce, have you even given thought to what would happen to child she will give birth to? What is the future of that child?