21 April,2009 07:46 AM IST | | Aastha Atray Banan and Shikha Shah
In the hope of becoming the next Khan bahu, Kareena Kapoor has decided to wear only saris in order to don a more "respectable" image. italk finds out if dancing to your partner's demands and changing yourself will earn you more respect than sticking to what you truly believe in Kareena Kapoor has decided to only wear saris from now on to please Saif Ali Khan's parents
Bollywood hottie Kareena Kapoor, who became every man's fantasy as she walked the beach in a lime green bikini in Tashan, has decided to dress conservatively from now. It's a decision that has been prompted by the fact that she may soon be married to Saif Ali Khan, and will then become the bahu of the Pataudi khandan. But is Bebo's decision a healthy one?
Change may be short-lived
"If Kareena is changing just because she has to, and not out of her personal choice, it will hurt very soon," says psychologist Harish Shetty. "Bonding promotes change. So if a person is planning to change, then you should only do it once you know the person better." Dr Shetty also believes that people who alter their identity to suit a partner's preference can only do so for a limited period of time.
Women do it more than men
"A woman can be as liberal as she wants, but somewhere she harbours archaic habits," says Dr Shetty. "All good sense goes out of the window when she falls in love. They become sober and submissive." That's the reason why if a couple breaks up, the woman goes back to being wild with a vengeance. "The frustration stems out of the disappointment of not being acknowledged."
Only change for yourself
>>Don't let the change be your only USP. Let your partner see your other qualities.
>>Don't be afraid to turn back on your decision to change.
>>Do not change just to rebel against someone, change to feel at peace.
Accept your partner the way he/she is, say celebs
Archana Puran Singh, Actor/TV host
Parmeet and I have accepted each other as we are and I haven't entertained a single expectation of my in-laws. That I would not cook at home, was my first condition when I got married to Parmeet and I have stuck to that. I am a vegetarian, but Parmeet continues to be a carnivore.
Hiten Tejwani, TV actor
Gauri and I are quite similar in personality, hence there was very little scope for change in our relationship. I think it is important for a couple to share a certain level of understanding and that is what keeps the relationship going. I just want Gauri to be herself.
Don't get hung up on your differences
>>Know that you can always say, "I don't feel the way I used to. I've changed my mind."
>>In situations where the issue that divides you doesn't affect your relationship directly, for instance, an argument on politics, the key is to acknowledge your partner's strong feelings but agree to disagree.
>>Where the issue that divides you is more personal, it's important to focus on the all the things that work well between you and negotiate your differences from this basis, rather than thinking, "There must be something wrong with this relationship because we are not agreeing on this."
>>Try not to get hung up on your differences and the idea that either of you needs to "change" the other. You need to remember that it is probably the differences between you that attracted you to each other in the first place. So don't be frightened of sticking to your guns if there's something that's really important
to you, as long as it isn't making your partner miserable.
>>Don't give up your career. It is not possible for a relationship to be successful if one person has to completely give up their career, especially if that is not what that he/she wants.
Change should be logical, say the ladies
Arti Bhatia, BMS Student
Adjustments are a part of life, unless they are done forcefully. I would not mind changing a bit for my man, but every relationship is two-sided and hence, I would also expect him to change according to my needs.
Svveta Walia, Media professional
Yes, I would not mind changing for my partner, but only to a certain extent. Respecting each other is of prime importance. Changing just means adjusting to each other's needs in order to live in harmony.
Elisha Gada, Copy writing intern with an ad agency
I would not prefer to change, unless there is a logical reason for the change. If he asks me to stop drinking, I wouldn't mind. But I will certainly not put up with his whimsical demands.
