After marrying her rocker husband at 21, pop singer Avril Lavigne split from him this year, admitting she was way too young. FYI tries getting experts and couples to nail the magic number
After marrying her rocker husband at 21, pop singer Avril Lavigne split from him this year, admitting she was way too young.u00a0FYI tries getting experts and couples to nail the magic number
With television channels selling the idea of marriage through celeb swayamvars and the perfect bride wars, shaadi is the flavour of the season. But unless you are getting crores to string that garland around the neck of one bloke from among 10, Rakhi Sawant-style, we suggest you do some serious thinking before taking those saat pheras.
A marriage entered in haste, or even on an adventurous impulse, can crumble faster than a cookie, granny said.
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Canadian pop star Avril Lavigne will agree. She admitted to realising that she'd got married in a hurry when she was just 21. The couple split recently after she claimed she wanted her own life back. Would it have turned out differently had she waited for a while?
Mumbai-based relationship expert Ameeta Sanghavi Shah says the ideal marriageable age could lie somewhere between 22 to 30. And if you plan to get married earlier than that, be prepared for pitfalls. "Young individuals are vulnerable. They tend to derive a sense of identity from the other person, which is harmful for their self-esteem. Their maturity levels are low and they are unsure about their boundaries," she says. But Shah admits that she has witnessed enough cases of young couples marrying early, and helping each other grow and support one another.
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Avril Lavigne, pop singer, Canadian, Married at 21 |
Hiten Tejwani, TV actor, Indian, Married at 30 |
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Singer Avril Lavigne was 21 when she married 29 year-old Deryck Whibley in 2006. The couple split recently after she realised it was a mistake to have married that young. She needed her own life and wished to explore things all by herself, she said. |
Television actor Hiten Tejwani married Gauri Pradhan when he was touching 30. "Rather than a perfect age, it's got more to do with emotional maturity and financial independence. You have to be prepared to shoulder the responsibility of a partner and think things through before jumping into the deep end. Long-term planning is the key," says Hiten. |
Don't make all the sacrifices, share the burden
Shah has some advice for young married couples: Be careful about not invading the other's space, or getting stuck in a cocoon, where you end up limiting your interaction with your spouse. The focus has to be on supporting the other's endeavours, not controlling them. It helps if the couple share similar lifestyles. If either of you feels you are making the sacrifices in this union, it could lead to resentment. "When issues crop up, talk them through, no matter how tricky. And don't lose sight of your identity even if you are head-over-heels in love."
When should you get married? Young Indians pick a number
Savita Rijhwani Senior Executive at ad agencyI thought it was late 20s, but after I met my boyfriend, I realised he was the right guy for me and decided to get married at 24. As long as you are responsible and financially secure, it's fine to get married when you meet the man of your dreams.
Jithesh Jayaprakash Account Mgmt Executive (Advertising)It's 28 to 30 for a guy. That's when he's managed to amass a decent bank balance. For women, it's 24 or 25.
Akshat Jain PR professionalCouples should get engaged at 25 and get married at 27. That way, they can get to know each other better without being burdened by responsibilities.
Pressure of responsibilities could mar sexual drive
Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Sex Therapist I'd say the ideal age to get married is between 26 and 28 for men, and 24 and 26 for women. It's better if the couple stays in a relationship for a few years before they get married. The positive side to getting married young is that you can grow up with your children. However, I also have patients as young as 20 complain of premature ejaculation and lack of sexual desire. The problem lies in their head, not the body. Stress ruins the fun.
Many early marriages end in divorce
Geeta Budhrani, Divorce Lawyer
Experience has proved that several couples who enter wedlock in a hurry or too soon, end up having to deal with separation in a year or two. This is when they realise that marriage takes a lot of hard work, and they hadn't thought their decision through.
Ameeta Sanghavi Shah relationship expertThe focus has to be on supporting the other's endeavours, not controlling them. When issues crop up, talk them through, no matter how tricky. And don't lose sight of your identity even if you are head-over-heels in love.
