Teen Mental Health: Ways to understand and look after lovesick adolescents

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From 2017 to 2019, more than 24,000 children between the ages of 14 and 18 years committed suicide. Whereas failure in examination was the reason in over 4,000 such cases, a less highlighted aspect were love-related issues which drove at least 3,315 teens to this extreme decision. In a recent example, on August 1, a 19-year-old collegian from Kurla in Mumbai hanged himself with a belt after his girlfriend turned down his marriage proposal over a video chat - he wanted to show her that he was even ready to end his life because of the rejection.

As many as 24,568 children, out of whom 13,325 were girls, died by suicide, according to data of the National Crime Records Bureau which was recently presented in Parliament. Marriage-related issues were cited as the cause of suicide for 639 children, including 411 girls.

Explaining how children's psycho-social well-being can be compromised, particularly during periods of stress, Puja Marwaha, CEO, CRY-Child Rights and You, noted that a majority of the children and adolescents who attempt suicide have a significant mental health issue or challenge, usually depression. "Among teenagers, suicide attempts may be associated with feelings of stress, self-doubt, pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, depression and loss."

Mid-day online spoke to two psychiatrists, Dr Sapna Bangar, Psychiatrist & Head, Mpower - The Centre, Mumbai and Dr Ambrish Dharmadhikari, Psychiatrist & Head, Mpower - The Foundation, Mumbai, to understand how dating and romantic setbacks can take a toll on the mental health of adolescents and how the adults around them can extend empathy and support.

Here are the specialists' combined insights:

What are the mental-health risks associated with teen romantic relationships?

Teenage is the most difficult period in one's life. Teens go through the physical, emotional and social changes simultaneously. Their romantic relationships could range from casual to intense and are associated with a risk of anxiety, depression, sleep problems, social isolation and, in extreme cases, self-harm and risk of suicide. High expectations, high intensity, push for physical intimacy, short-duration all are contributing factors to stress. Breakups are difficult to handle and often teens cope with maladaptive coping mechanisms that end up affecting their mental health.

Please tell us about the mental health determinants for teenagers when they fall in love.

Some of the determinants are self-esteem, self-image issues, support of friends and family, presence of anxiety or depression, abuse within the family, any experience of trauma, parental relationship or separation or any recent stressors.

Besides, nature, objectives, peer pressure, intensity, involvement and duration are determinants of mental health when they fall in love. Also, innate evolving personality, family environment and cultural upbringing also contribute.

Which emotional hurdles are linked with experiencing love during this phase?

Emotionally it's a difficult period in general; teens are exploring and understanding emotions. They often go through turmoil due to hormonal fluctuations. They have mood swings, get easily hurt and process emotions in an unhealthy manner. Teenage is also the time when people face uncertainty, identity issues, stress of building a career, sexuality, peer pressure and feeling isolated from family. Sometimes, this leads them to seek validation in a romantic relationship. At times, relationships can be a part of pushing boundaries and asserting themselves or it could be using the relationship as an escape from their problems. Quite commonly, it is also about peer pressure where teenagers want to be in a relationship because it is 'cool' or don't want to be left out.

How does falling in love change teenagers mentally and emotionally?

Teenagers are known to be intense, emotionally, especially when they fall in love. Usually being the first time there is a lot of exploration, expectations as well pressure on themselves. For the first time being in love, changes them.

Falling in love is associated with an increase in the level of neurochemicals called dopamine and oxytocin which results in a feeling of wellbeing, reduced stress, feeling happy and safe, and reduced perception of pain. The emotional part of your brain also called the limbic system is activated which in turn causes the release of cortisol making a person feel excited and hopeful. It can also lead to sweating and increased heart rate. They are also vulnerable and in an isolated intimate relationship, most likely, for the first time. So, all these bring a mixed bag of positive and negative emotional changes.

There are frequent reports of teenagers attempting suicide when rejected by a partner. What pushes them to this?

Teenagers are in the developing stage of emotional maturity. One important aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to accept rejection. Rejection of a proposal is often viewed as rejection of the whole self. It affects self-image. Rejection is seen as absolute and often teens impulsively or due to the effect of mental health illnesses attempt suicide.

There is another angle to this, teens are in process of understanding the surroundings and often fall to societal, family and peer pressure of living up to the highest standard and any deviation to it creates a feeling of failure. Rather than being seen as an aberration, it is seen as a complete failure. Apart from these, co-morbid mental health issues, family history and social acceptance contribute to suicides.

What are the signs of love-sick anxiety that the friends and family of a teenager must watch for?

Signs of anxiety and depression need to be monitored; be it love-sick or otherwise. Low mood, decreased energy, loss of interest, anxiousness, avoidance, panic attacks, lack of concentration, changes in sleep and appetite patterns are common symptoms of anxiety and depression. Regular communication and open conversation is an easy way to understand what's going on inside the brains of teenagers. Parents often stop having open communications to provide privacy, but it can lead to neglect of early symptoms of anxiety or depression.

How can teens be protected in this scenario?

Teenage is when children push boundaries and tend to push their parents away. Parents need to learn to not take it personally and keep the channels of communication open with their children so that they do not feel they have nowhere to go. The responsible adults in the teenager's life like teachers, family members, grandparents can be a source of support and act as a voice of hope when things go downhill.

How should parents talk to their teenage kids about love problems, keeping in mind their mental health?

Communication is preventive for identifying and treating factors for mental health issues among teenagers. Be it love-related or otherwise; communication is the key! Parents should focus on open discussions about love and love-related expectations. At the same time, they should also accommodate teen's thoughts and expectations. Parents should guide and not dictate their child in these matters.

It is important that parents develop a friendship with their children and not treat ‘love' as a taboo subject. Parents at all costs should avoid ‘giving guilt' to teenagers for having romantic relationships. Trusting teens goes a long way in building healthy relationships. Remember, how you create a relationship with your child dictates how they develop relationships with others.

What are healthy ways in which teenagers can experience romantic relationships?

Consciously or subconsciously teenagers try to mimic adults when in a romantic relationship. So, it is imperative that adults set the right example for them. Also, teaching them to set boundaries, to say ‘No', and setting realistic expectations are some areas parents should focus on from the early teen years. While trusting them and allowing them to make their own decisions is necessary, being with them through heartbreak is of utmost importance. Not judging your child based on how they behave when in a relationship also goes a long way in healing.

(With PTI inputs)

Directory of suicide prevention helpline numbers: https://www.aasra.info/helpline.html

Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Mid-day online does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, efficacy, or timeliness of information posted in this article. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional/other qualified health provider regarding your condition.