'He is not serious about me...'

Dear Diana

Dear Diana,
I am in love with a guy who does not care for me. We have been together for almost a year but he says that he just wants me to be his friend. It is me who is taking the charge in the relationship and I know that he isn't serious about me. He says that he doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship right now. I am 26 and he is 30. I can't seem to get over him and so do not want him to let go. Of late, we have been having a lot of issues over this. I really can't understand what is going on his mind. He gets irritated and feels I pester him when I talk about a future together. I don't know how to go about this whole issue. He says he wants to be with me, but at the same time maintains his distance. I am confused. Am I wasting my time with this guy?
- Atiya


Illustration/Amit Bandre

Dear Atiya,
Your guy is 30 and mature enough to know what he wants in his life. It appears that he might be having a commitment phobia - the reason why he does not want to get serious in the relationship. At the same time the pestering from your end is putting him off. He has his reasons not to get serious, while you have your reasons not to let him go. Instead of arguing and bickering, you two need to sit down and discuss what each one wants in life. From the looks of it, you seem to be pushing him in the relationship. One option is to take a break from each other for a while. This will make you two ponder about where you see yourself. You may be keen on getting hooked to him, but he is not in the mood. Second, are you confusing his friendship for love? He may like you and want to spend time with you, but seems to be unsure about marriage. Being apart from each other for a while might put things in perspective for you and him after which you can decide which path you want to take.