My wife and I don't talk anymore...

illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 50-year old man and have been married to my wife, who is 47, for almost 20 years. We have been quite happy together but seem to have run out of things to talk about over the past few years. Our home is silent on most evenings, and we watch television or eat dinner in silence. She doesn't say much to me unless it is something related to the home that requires my attention. This didn't bother me at the start, but it is now a matter of concern because we haven't had a real conversation in almost five months. How do I break this cycle?
Silence can be restorative, but only up to a point. Your wife may be dealing with a lot more than just running out of topics to discuss. There may come a point in every relationship when one person assumes there is nothing left to talk about. There always is something though, if one takes the time to understand what the other person wants. When you ask about ways to break this cycle, you inadvertently stumble upon the solution by referring to a cycle. It exists only because the two of you perpetuate it. One of you has to make an effort and give the other person time to come on board. Try a change of scenery, go on holiday, bring new people into your lives, or simply write down a list of questions you would like answers to. It's possible that your wife may need counselling, if there is something on her mind, so explore that possibility too. Start by asking how her day was and take it from there.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost a year ago, but I constantly have the urge to contact him. Should I do this or wait until I can control this feeling?
Try and figure out why you want to contact him. Your relationship presumably ended for a valid reason, so ask yourself what you hope to achieve by contacting him.

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