Struggling to keep New Year resolutions? Here’s a cheat sheet from experts

The new year is here and so are resolutions, which many of us pick out year after year, only to realise that we aren't able to follow through on them a month into the process. Let's agree to find solace in the fact that you aren't the only one who can't stick with a resolution because there are many more who are a part of this tribe. While some feel sorry about it, others are unapologetic.

City-based life coach Farzana Suri believes it is hard for people to stick to their resolutions because people focus on that one mega goal they wish to achieve. "When they don't see themselves going anywhere closer to it, they feel dejected and give up. Secondly, the resolutions are set based on what others demand from them like quitting smoking, losing weight, etc. They are therefore not emotionally invested in it. It is like working on someone else's dreams. There is no benefit in that." She adds that there are many who have no clue what goals to set and if they have, they are unclear about the process.

Even though resolutions are hard to stick to, Suri says it is important to keep because it is a promise or goal one makes to improve life in the coming year. She explains, "Setting a resolution helps focus on what's important to you, and who you want to become. It's needed for not simply surviving but thriving."

As most people get up and about making their resolutions this first week, Mid-day Online reached out to Suri and Maya Kirpalani, consultant psychologist and family therapist at Bhatia Hospital, to understand how people can keep their resolutions during the year, even if they don't succeed at first.

Clarity on the ‘why' of resolutions is a great start

According to Suri, research on the Self-Determination Theory reveals that feeling confident and competent in achieving your goals is one of the highest predictors of success.

The city-based life coach says it is important to find why you want to keep the resolution. She explains, "The reason must be compelling for you to achieve it. It has to come from within - not because your spouse thinks you must or your friend feels you need to."

The trick here is to have multiple goals and even set sub-goals

Work on having a personal development goal, health goal, career goal, relationship goal, financial goal and a fun goal, which is also important, according to her.

Determine the process to make it happen

Suri believes one should start small. "Start from wherever you are. Make one tiny change each day or each week. Make it and stick to it," she says. Breaking them up into weekly, monthly and daily goals and focusing on one action you can take, helps to get closer.

While doing all this, Suri says it is important to be flexible, learn to adapt and reroute. Getting yourself a goal buddy can help too. Setting punishments, distractions and rewards are another way to pursue it better. "Celebrate tiny victories. Reward yourself with a present or as a punishment (choose tasks you do not like as a punishment e.g. cleaning the toilet if you skipped your exercise or over-indulged). For distractions, make a list of things you can do when you have difficulty sticking to the plan - e.g. instead of eating that piece of cake, have carrots. Distract your mind.

Steps for sticking to resolutions

Farzana Suri:

- Make a decision that you want it to happen as if your life depended on it. Commit to it. Your choices decide your victory.
- Write down your goal on paper. Use a journal to remind yourself each morning where you are headed. Where focus goes, attention flows and success shows.
- Create a vision board and put it up where it reminds you --as a screensaver or a display picture on your WhatsApp chat maybe.
- Keep a tracking victory sheet. Highlight your victories each time you move forward in achieving a milestone.
- Announce it to the world. It helps you hold yourself accountable because people will remind you about it.
- Appoint a goal buddy whose only job is to remind youevery day what you did today to get closer to it.

Maya Kirpalani:

- Be disciplined and determined. Each day is a new day and brings in new opportunities.

- Start fresh every day. In case you slip once in a while and miss doing what you have decided to do every day, say exercising every day, do not get upset or angry with yourself. Start afresh the next day.

- Do not belittle, criticise or be ashamed of yourself.

- Take small steps if not bigger ones. Every little step, however small, helps you to reach your final destination.

What can people do every time they feel like they're not able to keep their resolutions?

Suri says it is important to remember that change is a process. She explains, "It may take time and you may feel you aren't up to it. We underestimate the effort it is going to take to reach our goals. Getting out of a bad habit is not an easy task, because we are so used to performing that behaviour." Simply choosing the right goal and the process you use to go about achieving it can make a difference. "You may fail on days or for weeks but remember to get back on the saddle. Start from wherever you are," Suri reminds.

Even making a one per cent change daily can amount to bigger results than most people see, according to Suri. "Make choices that empower you. Work around your limiting beliefs which are perhaps holding you back. Seek support. You don't have to do it all by yourself," she concludes.