Navigating board exam jitters: Experts share tips for parents and students to cope with stress

These days, the Menon family is stressed at most times. Deepa Menon(46) says, "The environment at home is not normal, I am mostly worried." Menon's daughter, Amrita Rahul is currently preparing for her 12th board examination.

With 10th and 12th board examinations approaching at lightning speed, it is only natural for students and their parents to sweat bullets. However, acting out of stress can impact the student's mind as well as the parents'.

"My daughter gets stressed before exams, and she stays awake all night worrying. When parental expectations soar, it often induces tension in children. I consistently provide unwavering support to my daughter and embrace her performance, irrespective of the scores she achieves, but she still gets nervous. I always tell her to stay calm and remind her that exams aren't the end of the world. I want her to know that it's normal to face challenges and that doing well on one test doesn't define everything. I encourage her to see setbacks as chances to learn and grow. My goal is to help her feel more confident and surer of herself when dealing with the stress of exams," shares this Kerala resident.

According to her, encouraging children to study little every day is the key to faring well in examinations, instead of trying to learn everything right before exams. "This way, she can understand the subjects better and remember the information for a longer time. Making a habit of studying regularly can make it easier for her to do well in exams, and it's less stressful than cramming at the last minute," she tells Mid-day Online.

Like Menon, it is crucial for other parents whose children will soon appear for board examinations, to keep their cool. We asked educators and student counsellors how parents must deal with exam stress for the larger benefit of their children.

Mansi Poddar, child psychologist, psychotherapist, founder of the Heal. Grow. Thrive Foundation talks of having counselled parents who, many times, exert too much pressure on their children to excel. "Most parents expect their children to constantly study. Pestering them to study, always keeping an eye on them, and reprimanding them for everything they do can lead to frustration in children. As a result, children often take the step of hiding things from their parents." This is especially unhealthy during exam time.

Many factors can set a child off. "From incessant pressure to score above 90 per cent in exams, expecting them to perform as well as the toppers of the class, the constant demand to keep studying, noisy environment, family conflicts, to parents fighting and arguing in the house can lead to added stress in children during the time of exams," Poddar highlights.

Negative impacts of pressure on child's mental health
According to Shivam Dixit, founder, Counsel India, parents who prioritise academic performance may feel compelled to ensure a bright future for their children. "A child may suffer from harsh criticism, a dearth of emotional support, and inconsistent punishment. Constant criticism breeds insecurity in children leading to undermined self-worth. Micromanaging study timetables and undervaluing a child's desire for independence and self-control is another prevalent mistake. Since every child learns differently and at their rate, comparing kids to their peers can be harmful. Further, having unreasonably high expectations can demotivate kids and teach them to fear failing rather than see it as a teaching opportunity."

According to Poddar, constantly reprimanding the children or not being there for them can cause them to develop self-esteem issues, make them feel demotivated to make efforts, and a general loss of interest in academics."

Many parents also fail to appreciate their children for the efforts they take to fare well in their exams. Poddar raises concern saying, "If the child gets no appreciation from their parents and family, it leads to negative thoughts in the child's mind, leading to self-doubt and self-blame. It makes them feel worthless, leading to a lot of mental health issues like anxiety, overthinking, procrastination, self-harm traits, loss of self-image, and self-esteem."

Ways to help children manage board exam stress
Children seek comfort from their parents during challenging times. According to Dr Murray Tod, founding master, Wellington College International Pune (WCIP), "Parents must invest time and efforts into ensuring the overall well-being of their students. It shows that you care, are interested and proud of what your son/daughter aspires to do. Furthermore, you can also assist the school and tutors in creating the best (and most encouraging) learning environment. I deeply believe in parents being ‘proud' of sons/daughters no matter what. I believe that these attributes matter (along with examination preparation and results)."

Dixit adds, "Parents must promote a healthy balance between leisure and learning. It is their responsibility to establish a judgment-free, open communication atmosphere. Instead of concentrating only on grades, they ought to stress the significance of work and advancement. Recognise the child's strengths and refrain from comparing them to others. Having a balanced diet and getting enough sleep are also essential for improved academic performance. In the end, encouraging a positive outlook and praising the child for their work can go a long way toward improving their general well-being during exam times."

Poddar lists below some practices that can help children to cope with exam stress:

1. Set a daily study timetable with regular breaks.
2. Allow your child to spend their breaks doing whatever they enjoy.
3. Ensure sufficient sleep and rest of eight hours to keep the brain active and healthy.
4. Keep assuring them every once in a while, that not scoring a certain percentage is not the end of the world.
5. Assure them that they are doing the best they can and not to go too hard on themselves.
6. Ensure they eat a healthy diet.

Studying tips for better results
Iain Sutcliffe, head of junior school, WCIP says, "One most important factor, besides other things, is to ensure a quiet and peaceful environment at home. The loud volumes of TV, family members speaking loudly, playing music on loud, are among the most common issues that can disturb a child and disrupt focus while studying."

Tod urges the parents to create a lovely, and reassuring study space for the pupil and be well-planned. "Examination preparation is all about having a well-rehearsed study plan, months ahead in reality, which eases the pressure and allows pupils to build up their confidence. Parents cannot revise on behalf of their children but they can enhance the learning process by being interested (but not too domineering) and supporting them."

Students should not attempt the impossible (such as trying to learn Hamlet the night before the examination, never having glanced at it previously.) Rather they
should have a detailed overview of the topics they need to learn in every subject and the skills/techniques required for that subject.

Revision guides can help assist in this regard and are often recommended by teachers/schools. Furthermore, students should always divide their subject matter into short and regular sessions. Don't concentrate only on one subject in a day at the expense of all
others.

Pupils need to switch off too. They need to take up recreational activities to refresh their mind. Sutcliffe states, "Pulling their child out of their co-curricular clubs like football or dancing training so that they can concentrate on studying is a common mistake most parents make. The reality is that this does not give the child an opportunity to relax so this may increase their stress and anxiety levels.

Fighting the ills of screen addiction
Another key issue that Sutcliffe highlights is the use of mobile phones. "Parents must set a time limit to using screens, be it phones, TV or even laptops. Digital devices are the most distracting and can hamper focus."

Sutcliffe especially suggests taking phones from children especially at night time as many have a habit of being on their phones late into the night.

This does not mean that parents must forcefully confiscate phones. "Fostering understanding instead of using confrontation is key to teaching kids healthy phone habits. Start by outlining the value of moderation and how too much screen time can affect their social relationships, sleep, and general well-being. Stress the advantages of taking part in different hobbies, such as reading, playing outside, or artistic endeavours. Make sure your child understands the importance of moderation by setting clear boundaries for screen time and explaining the rationale behind them. Set a good example by appropriately using your devices. Promote transparent dialogue to ensure your child feels at ease sharing their worries or difficulties. By presenting the topic in a constructive light, you enable children to choose their screen time wisely," says Dixit.

Further, reducing reliance on screens can also be achieved by promoting the use of conventional study tools like textbooks and notebooks, given that post-pandemic study materials are shared digitally.

Mental health practices for parents and children to cope with stress
Parents and students can employ various mental health practices to alleviate stress before and during exams.

Poddar and Dixit suggest doing the following that will help both parents and children in coping with stress:

1. Establish a structured study routine to help create a sense of control.

2. Encourage breaks during study sessions to prevent burnout. Mindfulness and deep breathing exercises aid in relaxation, fostering a calmer mindset.

3. Have open communication with your children to extend emotional support.

4. Prioritise self-care, including sufficient sleep and healthy nutrition, to enhance overall well-being.

5. Set realistic goals and focus on one task at a time to prevent overwhelming feelings.

6. Engaging in physical activities to boost mood and reduce stress. Implementing these practices fosters a conducive environment for effective stress management.

7. Step out when on a break instead of restricting yourself within the four walls of your house. Spend time in nature listening to songs. Take a walk with your pet.

8. Paste sticky notes on your study desk with motivational quotes and self-affirmation. This will help you push yourself to perform better as well as comfort the mind.

9. Spend time with your child/parents. These days parents - most of them working, lead busy lives leaving them with little to no time to spend with their children. Take the time to bond with each other. Engage in hobbies such as listening to music, playing an instrument, reading, or painting together. Spend your weekends doing fun family activities.

Dealing with stress and anxiety a pre and post-exam
Sutcliffe states, "When students approach parents voicing their fear of examinations, they must remind their children about how proud they are of them as individuals and that their love is not conditional or determined by their examination success or scores."

According to Todd, students should be discouraged from over-cramming the night before the exam. "It can be counter-productive. There needs to be a cut-off point and time for relaxation. If an exam does not go well, then parents simply must look on the positive side: encourage the viewpoint that one does not yet know the result and it may be better than the child thinks."

He adds, "Avoid over-analysing the exam paper and answers. Encourage the child to move on to the next challenge. One must not dismiss their feelings, allow them to get it out of their system, but do not let it overwhelm the child."