Forced to be happy at all times: How Gen Z is battling toxic positivity

‘Gen Z takes life too seriously.' This is a notion that many have. Gen Zers venting to their parents or anyone older than them are often advised to ‘chill out', ‘live life stress-free', and not complicate it unnecessarily. This is especially the case with most Indian parents who often tell their Gen Z children to live a ‘bindass' life as they did in their 20s and 30s thereby encouraging ‘toxic positivity.

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Toxic positivity is all about overemphasising maintaining a positive attitude and avoiding any form of negative emotions or experiences. It dismisses valid feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration, typically through phrases like "just think positive" or "everything happens for a reason.

Although being optimistic and having a positive approach in life can help us get through difficult times, forcing yourself to constantly stay positive is unrealistic and often hurts one's mental health.

"The younger generation is criticised for being perceived as fragile and not resilient enough, which undermines their unique hardships and experiences," affirms Mani Agarwal, neurodivergent therapist.

Further, Dr Rahul Chandhok, head consultant, mental health and behavioural science, Artemis Hospital, Gurugram agrees, "Both millennials and parents can fall prey to promoting or practising toxic positivity, whether through societal pressures, personal beliefs, or cultural influences. However, it is more about individual attitudes and behaviours rather than being specific to one group over another."

"It is crucial to understand that while stress is a universal phenomenon, certain generational characteristics might make Gen Z appear more susceptible or reactive to stress. Various factors can contribute to a severe perception of life's challenges in Gen Z," adds Neha Cadabam, senior consultant psychologist, executive director, Cadabams Hospitals.

Although nothing new, ‘toxic positivity' â€" a term unknown to people earlier is now being identified as an attitude. Mid-day.com got mental health experts on board to delve into this attitude, why Gen Z is subjected to it, its negative impact and the correct alternative.

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How has the term ‘toxic positivity' surfaced?
The terminology related to mental health is relatively recent. Over the past decade, perspectives on mental health have been evolving. Today, the importance of mental health and education on various mental health conditions and illnesses is far better than what it was a decade back.

Agarwal tells Mid-day.com, "Millennials and previous generations have lacked a vocabulary to describe their mental health challenges. Consequently, when faced with emotional difficulties, they often had to externalise their issues, cope with circumstances, and passively move forward. Now, thanks to the internet, help is one click away now. This is a drastic contrast for Gen Z who can access resources online and find words to their experiences."

Cadabams clarifies that pinpointing millennials or parents for exhibiting toxic positivity can be challenging as its prevalence can vary widely among individuals regardless of their generation. "Parents may resort to toxic positivity to shield their children from negative experiences, while millennials might employ it to maintain a facade of an ideal life on social media. Each generation faces different societal pressures that might encourage the use of toxic positivity as a coping mechanism."

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Why is Gen Z severely stressed for most parts of their lives?
The South Asian nation's working-age population stands at over 900 million, according to 2021 data from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD).

Agarwal shares, "India, particularly, is at the forefront of housing the youngest population in the world. What could have been a major point of growth has turned into a point of dejection as this population continues to face unemployment challenges, issues of housing and clean water, poor sanitation and climate change among others."

She goes on to say, "Systemic challenges are, thus, responsible for Gen Z's stress and pessimism. Post Covid-19 and other multiple global crises, Gen Z continues to live in a state of uncertainty and insecurity. When the future appears bleak, it's hard to maintain trust in the present. In such a scenario, the mental health crisis affecting Gen Z is possibly the reason why they are expected to be especially more resilient and hence, toxic positivity follows them like a shadow."

Besides this, Chandhok adds, "In today's digital age, there's extreme pressure to curate and exhibit an ideal image of oneself on social media platforms, fostering a culture of comparison and unrealistic standards."

"Further, with the rise of self-help culture and motivational content, there are abundance of messages promoting the idea that positive thinking is the only way to overcome any obstacle, which can lead to the dismissal of genuine struggles and emotions. Additionally, societal norms and expectations typically dictate that young people should be optimistic, ambitious, and resilient, which can further perpetuate the idea that acknowledging negative emotions is a sign of weakness."

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What are the signs of toxic positivity?
Cadabam elucidates, "Toxic positivity goes beyond mere optimism; it represents the excessive and ineffective insistence on maintaining a positive mindset, even in the face of situations that naturally elicit sadness or distress. It involves the dismissal of genuine human emotions, which can be detrimental."

Archana Singhal, counsellor and family therapist, founder, Mindwell Counsel, Delhi tells us, "Toxic positivity can make people feel like their emotions are not valid or important. It can also prevent them from seeking help or addressing their problems properly, leading to more stress and unhappiness."

Mentioning major signs of toxic positivity, Singhal shares, "Some key signs include dismissing or downplaying someone's emotions, always trying to find the silver lining in a problem without acknowledging their pain, and pressuring others to be happy." Singhal recommends enforcing an environment where all emotions are accepted and validated.

How can toxic positivity have a negative impact?
Embracing an "it is what it is" mindset can lead to significant emotional distress, as it often fosters a sense of helplessness and resignation in one's life. Agarwal shares, "Toxic positivity eventually breeds burnout as we exhaust our ability to find excuses to stay upbeat. If the problem is not acknowledged and accepted then the individual falls into a cyclical pattern of piling on more problems. This can continue until the physical health also deteriorates and the circumstances become too overwhelming."

Cadabams further expands, "Toxic positivity can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as individuals feel their true emotional experiences are neither seen nor validated. Psychiatrically, this can exacerbate feelings of sadness and anxiety, compounding stress and possibly leading to depressive symptoms. By undermining authentic emotional experiences, toxic positivity obstructs the development of healthy coping mechanisms. This can stunt emotional resilience, making it more challenging for individuals to navigate future stresses effectively."

How must elders or peers extend support to those stressed?
Recognising and understanding the unique challenges faced by Gen Z, it is essential to provide support that resonates with their experiences.

According to Chandhok, Gen Z may require a different approach because of their unique experiences, challenges, and perspectives. "Understanding the digital landscape and the pressures of social media is important, as it can majorly impact their self-esteem and mental well-being. Providing a safe space for open communication and validation of their emotions is crucial, as it helps in counteracting the effects of toxic positivity and encourages a healthy emotional expression. Providing practical support and guidance that is tailored to their specific needs and aspirations can also empower them to deal with the complexities of today's world with confidence and resilience. Furthermore, fostering a sense of belongingness, both online and offline, can combat feelings of isolation and alienation that some Gen Zers may experience."

Agarwal suggests extending empathy and understanding instead of a solution-oriented approach to make someone feel heard. "To ensure that you're not putting down someone else's concerns, it is always best to gently comfort them and reassure them that they are not alone in the process. Simple words like "we can figure it out together" can make someone feel that their concern is valid and worthy of another person's support."

"Additionally, reassuring others that their circumstance warrants an emotional reaction and that they are not blowing up out of proportion can add to the comfort. Finally, if you feel that you are not in the best space to offer comfort, it is best to support the person in finding a mental health professional who can be impartial and non-judgemental towards them."

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What kind of language and words should you use to comfort someone venting?
Experts list down a list of phrases you must avoid and use to extend the appropriate support:

Avoid:
it could be worse
Just don't think about it
It's always been like this
It is supposed to be hard
It's going to stay the same, you have to adjust
Nothing else can be done
Just let it go
Don't be lazy, if you work hard, it will happen
Don't waste your energy on this
It's not worth crying over this

Say:
That sounds tough, I'm here for you
Your feelings are completely valid
Hey it'll be okay, things can change
Let's figure it out together
You can tell me if things are not okay
Let's talk about it
It doesn't have to be this way
I understand why you feel that way
It's okay to feel upset

Ask:
How does that make you feel?
What do you need from me right now?
Do you want to talk to a therapist? I'll help you find one.
What seems to be happening according to you?
How can I support you?
What do you need from me right now?