Daughter’s Day 2024 | ‘Give us more freedom’: Daughters share what they want from their families

"The least we expect is for them to trust us."

"Give us more freedom."

"I want my parents to let me pursue the career I want."

These were just some responses this writer received on asking the question, "What do you, as daughters, truly want or expect from your families?"

As India observed Daughter's Day 2024 on September 22, people celebrated girls and women in their families, sending heartfelt wishes and quotes expressing appreciation and gratitude for them. This day serves as a reminder that every daughter deserves love, respect and acceptance. It especially holds importance in historically patriarchal societies like India, where male children have long been favoured over girls.

This gender disparity has often placed daughters at a disadvantage, leading to unequal treatment and access to opportunities like education. The situation has improved over the years, though the change is not uniform across areas and communities.

According to the National Family Health Survey Report (2019-2021), India's sex ratio at birth stood at 1020 females per 1000 males. While this paints a positive picture, it doesn't accurately represent the entire population, as the Census does.

Furthermore, quality of life is another factor that is not considered in surveys and statistical analysis. Compared to the past when female feticide was prevalent, especially in rural areas, more families today celebrate the girl child. However, in some families, daughters struggle to get the freedom and opportunities they deserve.

As the world focuses on women's safety and empowerment, many believe the change needs to begin at home. For that to happen, parents need to know and understand what their daughters truly want.

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Common challenges
Anvi', 24, shares, "I want to study further and eventually build a career in design. However, my parents want me to get married. I just want them to understand my point of view, and let me have a chance at pursuing this before I decide to move to the marriage phase."

The discourse around women being married off early gained momentum in recent years when the Prohibition of Child Marriage (Amendment) Bill, 2021, proposed to raise the legal age of marriage for women from 18 to 21, to make it uniform across genders. However, the Bill was not implemented.

The pressure of marriage is faced by many daughters across the country and freedom from the same remains one of their primary expectations.

All Shatakshi Rawat expects from her family is to not be judged. "A little more freedom and a little less judgment is what I want," she says.

A similar sentiment is echoed by Priti', 21, who says, "Give us the freedom to make mistakes and trust us."

Child psychologist and parenting counsellor Riddhi Doshi Patel has seen many cases of parents lacking understanding and equality while raising daughters. She reveals, "In my professional experience, I have noticed some very peculiar things while parents raise daughters. From a young age, they are expected to look good. There are conversations about creams and cosmetics, which might later lead to body image issues for girls. Parents, especially mothers, take pride in young daughters - as young as 4 and 5 - talking about make-up, nail polish, etc."

"Few families are of the view that nursing, MBA and teaching are the only good jobs for daughters as they need to take care of the family later on and rear babies," she adds.

Reflecting on an experience, she says, "These parents had twins, a boy and a girl. While I was speaking to the children about pocket money management, the father promptly said to his son, "Understand, this will help you." That surprised me. When the world is talking about women empowerment, some people still feel that only boys need to understand finances."

Furthermore, she says, "As daughters become more visible on social media, they face scrutiny from both family and society regarding their online presence. Families may monitor their daughters' social media activity, controlling who they interact with, what they post and how they portray themselves, especially in conservative settings."

Understanding both sides is key
While daughters have certain expectations from their parents, understanding the latter's point of view also becomes important.

Anushree Verma, 19, shares, "I don't have any expectations from my parents because they are already pushing boundaries to give me whatever I want. They have always given me freedom because they trust me."

However, after the Kolkata rape case, she reveals, "They have been a little restrictive. I understand where they are coming from and the fear that is instilled in them (in me as well). But as I go out into the world and start working, that fear needs to go away. That's what I want - for them to be fearless and for me to gain strength from their fearlessness."

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Tips for parents/families:
Patel shares the following tips for families to understand daughters better and create an emotionally safe space for them.
• Create a safe and non-judgmental environment where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her thoughts, feelings and concerns.
• Listen actively and empathetically without jumping to conclusions.
• Ensure that your daughter knows she is not bound by traditional gender roles. Support her in pursuing her interests and ambitions.
• Help your daughter develop a healthy relationship with her body and appearance. Refrain from making negative comments about weight, skin colour or appearance.
• As a parent, model healthy emotional behaviours by managing your stress, communicating openly about emotions and seeking help when necessary. Your daughter will learn by observing how you handle challenges.
• As your daughter grows, it's important to respect her need for independence. Trust her to make decisions, and offer guidance without being overly controlling. This will help her develop confidence and decision-making skills,
• Make sure your daughter knows it's okay to seek help if she is struggling mentally or emotionally.
• Equip your daughter with tools to manage stress and adversity. Teach her how to handle failure, rejection and emotional challenges in a healthy way, focusing on resilience and problem-solving skills.
• As your daughter grows, respect her boundaries, including her need for privacy.
• Never dismiss your daughter's feelings as "dramatic" or "overreacting." Validating her emotions, even if they seem minor to you, is key to helping her feel heard and supported.

While sending wishes and quotes on Daughter's Day is a heartfelt activity reflecting love and appreciation for daughters, it is equally important to foster understanding, support and trust through behaviours and actions.

'Names changed